Musings and Personal

Perfect Fear Drives Out Love

I don’t typically post controversial subjects on my blog, Twitter, Facebook, or any other online site I frequent.

But today I am.

1 John 4:18 says that perfect love drives out fear. Right now, the media is giving voice to people of the opposite belief: Perfect fear drives out love.

We fear (and hate) what we don’t know and what we don’t understand. If we live a fear-based life, we’re going to miss out on opportunities to help others, which in the end always helps ourselves.

When my husband and I went through our foster-to-adopt training classes, we were encouraged to put ourselves in the bio parents’  shoes.


HELL, NO! Those parents chose to put themselves before their kid’s safety and wellbeing. NO WAY I am going to put myself in their shoes; they don’t even deserve to have shoes!


I can see clearly now that at the time I was scared to see the parents as human beings. And because I was already a mother, I was scared to put myself in their place and feel the unbearable pain of losing a child.

Then I met Ruthie.

God somehow softened my heart. He showed me that she was person with problems, not a problem who was a person.

Ruthie was aware of the mistakes she had made. She wanted to do what was best for her children. She was a person under the yuck that was her addiction.


My girls’ bio mom is probably the person who has changed my life the most. I’m not referring her to blessing me with two daughters (that goes without saying) but that she blessed me with herself. Knowing her has taught me what it means to love the sinner, hate the sin.

What am I getting at here? A few things, actually:

  1. We can’t generalize, especially if we don’t know the person, whether they be refugees, Muslims, Christians, Americans, Canadians, chihuahuas…
  2. We need to separate the sin from the person. There is something to love about everyone. Consider this: Hitler had a wife.
  3. Decisions based in love can open up many beautiful and unexpected doors; fear-based decisions keep them closed.
  4. Hate the sin, not the sinner. Even better, pray for the sinner.
  5. Finally, examine yourself. Why are you choosing fear-based decisions? Could it be to deflect an attitude or attribute away from yourself?

I support having a diverse population in America; it is what makes our country so amazing. I support helping refugees no matter where they come from; in a sense, all Americans were once refugees.



I support a political candidate whose beliefs and presidential platform are created on the foundation of love, not fear.

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